


I Will Be Waiting For You On The Other Side Of The Frozen Pines

by Roen_Finch



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Elsa (Disney), Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Frozen 2 spoilers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Original Character(s), introspective Elsa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roen_Finch/pseuds/Roen_Finch
Summary: Vignettes from Elsa's life, from the death of her parents to her assuming her place as the fifth spirit. Telling events from the movies and in-between from Elsa's perspective, with a focus on her introspective journey to conquer her anxiety and accept who she is, as well as repairing her relationship with Anna.All titles are lyrics from the song Frozen Pines by Lord HuronTags will be updated with each chapter
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa & Kristoff (Disney)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	I Will Be Waiting For You On The Other Side Of The Frozen Pines

**Author's Note:**

> After the death of the Queen and King, Elsa struggles to control her powers amidst her grief.

_ The King is dead. Long live the king. _

Elsa pulled the covers up over her head, rolling over so her back was to the large picture window in her room. The funeral procession had just returned, their chants echoing up from the gates of the castle. Anna was likely at the head of that procession, a lone, somber figure in front of their people. 

Elsa knew she should have been there, standing besides her little sister as they laid the washed up bodies of the king and queen to rest. But grief had other plans and Elsa had not gotten out of bed since the news reached the castle. Her room was frigid, ice crystals hanging in the air and frost thick on the window. 

Power raged in her veins, growing in unpredictability and strength with every day. What little control Elsa had gleaned from her parent’s presence was gone. She felt like she was lost in an ice cold sea, alone and scared and unable to stop the tides of cold and ice from materializing around her. Elsa curled up smaller in the center of the large bed. Now she would be expected to do more, become more involved until the day she was of age. She was a Queen in waiting and the thought made her colder than her power ever had. 

For a while things had seemed under control. The gloves helped. The affirmations from her parents helped. As it stood now, her small and isolated world just grew far smaller and more isolated. How could she conceal and not feel when every fiber of her being was racked with grief? It was feeling of the worst sort. 

So Elsa stayed in bed, gloves and a nightgown an odd combination to be sure. It was not like anyone would see her in this state. Not like anyone could even if they wanted to, her door was frozen shut. So often it felt like she was a thin, worn shell of a person barely containing a raging blizzard. She had to keep the storm inside, quell it so no one would get hurt. 

_ I will have to regain control, my people will only be asking more of me from now on, _ Elsa thought ruefully. She was born for the crown, she could not live in seclusion forever. Regaining control of her powers seemed like an insurmountable task when she could not even get out of bed. She had three short years till she was of age, three years to get back in control while simultaneously preparing for the role of Queen.

She had been groomed from birth for the crown, that would not be new, but Her father had taken a slower and more measured approach to her studies. No one anticipated the king and queen to die young. Elsa had expected several more decades to learn and gain mastery of her curse. So many things would be expected of her now, it all made her stomach turn.

She had three years to prepare, then the truly hard work began. Managing a kingdom was an involved task. Lots of meetings. Lots of human interaction. More and more opportunities to slip up, to let her secret out. Even more terrifying, she would be expected to produce an heir. The thought of marriage and romantic love and all its trappings had distressed her long before she became afraid to be near other living beings. Anna was the romantic, she always had been. 

The cold did not affect Elsa. She felt it, sure, but it was more like… a neutral sensation. Like a breeze that perfectly matched the ambient temperature. She could feel it, but it did not bother her. But now? Now she felt ice cold in a painful, unpleasant way. Numb and frigid, Elsa felt her breath coming faster and panic rising in her chest. 

Panic. She was having a panic attack. The thought of the future and its horrors sent panic racing through her body, but she could not find a way to think of anything else. She had always lived with anxiety, that was a fact of life, but this took things to a new level. 

Elsa’s tears froze as soon as they hit her pillow, her rapid breaths coming out in icy puffs. Time had lost meaning and all that existed was her, the fear, and the ice. 

Elsa came crashing back to reality when a polite knock sounded from her frozen door.  _ Not now. Not today. _ Elsa did not think she could bear to hear Anna’s voice today, to handle her little sister pleading with her for… for whatever she wanted. Not today. She knew it was selfish, her sister was suffering too, but she was clinging by a thread as it was and she could not risk her powers getting more out of control.

“Your majesty?” Elsa startled. That was not Anna. “Your majesty, I’ve brought you a tray of food. You must keep your strength up if you are to face tomorrow.” Elsa recognized the voice. Brunhilde, a kindly old nurse who had worked in the castle since Agnarr was a little boy. She was one of the few who knew of Elsa’s predicament, she and the other long term staff who had been retained all remembered when the princess was open and free with her abilities. Agnarr had sworn them all to the utmost secrecy, of course, and none had dared break that pledge.

Elsa slowly sat up, her chest still heaving and limbs still shaking. Pulling her mother’s shawl around her shoulders, Elsa stiffly shuffled to the door. It took all her strength to wrench it open, sending a spray of ice crystals into the air. She knew she was a sorry sight, hair a mess, face tearstained, two layers of gloves and a crumpled nightgown. Not at all the image of a future queen. 

Brunhilde gave a look of utter compassion at the sight of the new orphan, holding out the tray of steaming hot soup and bread. Orange slices bobbed in the tankard of mulled wine, warm and sweet. Elsa slowly took the tray, wincing at how fast it began to freeze. 

“Your majesty, may I say something?” The older woman asked, her tone mellow and soft. Elsa nodded, unable to speak. 

“Let the future worry about itself. When the time comes, you will be queen and you will be amazing at it. Everyone in the castle and the kingdom stands behind you. For now, take time to grieve and heal, eat something, wash up, get dressed.” Brunhilde knew that the princess hated to be touched and for people to get too close, a life of anxiety and the trauma of hurting her sister assured that. She settled for a kind smile and a little pat on the edge of the now frozen tray, leaning in slightly and lowering her voice.

“Your parents loved you so much, and they did what they thought was best. Give things time, I know everything will be back under control.” The nurse curtsied and excused herself, leaving Elsa to stand holding the tray and trembling. Few spoke that bluntly with her, much less about her curse. None besides her parents. 

She quickly retreated into her room, slamming the door shut. She looked at the food in her hands and a little bit of warmth came over her. None of the servants could fill the role her parents left, but they would do their best to look out for her. For a brief and shining moment, Elsa felt less alone. 

She sat at her desk, quickly tucking into the food before it lost all its warmth. Brunhilde’s words echoed through her mind.  _ She’s right, _ Elsa thought.  _ I can only take this one day at a time. And today, I feel like shit. _ The stew and bread gone, she began to sip the wine and pace a well worn path around her room.  _ Thank goodness for these insulated mugs. _ Her drink was still hot, despite the layer of ice around the outside of the cup. 

Panic sat in her periphery, waiting to spring when Elsa’s guard was down. Anxiety was an old companion and panic attacks were nothing new. Pacing helped, her mind clearing a little with each step. Elsa paced until the tankard was empty, feeling like an animal in the menageries she had read about. 

Frost still hung heavy in the air, but the room did not have the same chill as it did before.  _ Good. This is working. _ She set about her next task, focusing only on the next step.  _ Bathing and dressing. I can do this _ . She knew the bath would be unpleasant, with her powers they way they were any water would be ice cold in moments.

There was nothing for it, a cold bath was better than standing still long enough for the panic to return. There was something fascinating about how the ice formed on the surface of the water, dissipating and rearranging when she swept her arm around, sending ripples through the tub. For a moment, Elsa was captivated by the beauty and balance of the crystals. It was haunting, in a way, how a curse could produce something so delicate and pretty. 

Elsa shook herself out of the trance, disgust at her abilities once more filling her chest. She quickly stood, draining the tub and drying off. A black version of her normal outfit lay draped across a chair, proper clothes for a princess in mourning. Even though no one would see her in this- not today at least- She felt that the proper honor was being given to her late parents. 

“Elsa, please, I know you’re in there” 

A sad, singsong voice cut through the thick, icy air and sent Elsa’s heart plummeting. Anna was back from the reception, standing outside her door like she had so many times before.  _ Anna _ . She finished pinning her hair up and walked from the bathroom back into the bedroom.  _ I knew this would be too much for me today _ . 

“People have been asking where you’ve been” 

Anna was softly singing, tears in her voice and Elsa was overcome. She collapsed, back to the door, back to her sister, the room growing colder with every breath. Anna’s words barely registered as Elsa began crying anew, face buried in her knees. 

_ I’m sorry, little sister. I am so sorry. We don’t have each other, we are so very alone. _ Elsa found herself once again facing the chasm of despair, deep and dark and endless. The sisters sat there for a long time, watching the sky grow dim outside their windows. Slowly the stars twinkled to life and the soft glow from Arendelle breached the castle walls, a sight of painful normalcy in the midst of their grief. 

Memories of her mother carrying her and singing lullabies drifted through Elsa’s mind. She had gazed upon the same night sky all those years ago when she was safe and warm and whole. The sky was awake, as Anna used to say, and Elsa felt an otherworldly comfort settle on her shoulders. 

She felt like she had been wrapped up snug in her mother’s arms, granted a respite from her pain. The stars shone and the longer Elsa gazed out the window the more the sky seemed to say  _ do not despair, my child, you are not alone and this is not goodbye.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yes the title of this chapter is a reference to Iduna in Ahtohallan


End file.
